The Big ‘D’ – discuss

Having been quite busy of late this is my first post for some time.
I dare say that, had it not been for the death of an associate recently, I would still be busily forgetting to post.
My associate was about my age and of similar lifestyle. He lived well and enjoyed life with excesses not being his normal way, he was conservative to a tee.
So it was a surprise to see his life end at this time.

What is it that steers us away from talking about the Big D. Or the ‘Passing’ or kicking the bucket. We have so many ways of avoiding the subject and yet it confronts us all.

My family has always had a fatalistic approach to death (that’s weird ) in that our mother who is now 93 has always been ribbed about when she’s going to ‘peg out’ and leave us some inheritance so as to buy the beach hut. She refuses to give in to us and remains fiercely independent, telling us she is not about to die and give all of her money. We are from an Irish background and from what I know of the Irish (very little) they love to laugh in the face of adversity.

Having said all of that and given the recent circumstances, I have begun to think of my own demise (death). I know it is not possible to plan but I have spent some time just playing with the possibilities. Sort of a wish list and hope it doesn’t happen like this list.

For starters I don’t want to die in a pub. I know that’s bad for business and it would be unfair of me to do that to the publican.
On the golf course would be inconvenient, it would effect the game of so many others and you know what golfers are like with their cards and that.
At home sounds good but the clean-up might be disconcerting for the remaining residents.
Drowning might be interesting, I guess because I’d be swimming already and it’s just an extension of that.
I don’t want do go in a yucky way and be all untidy but I guess you’ve just got to take what comes.

So it’s pretty easy to say what I don’t want to die from- or in, the big question is how would I really like to die?

Firstly a disclosure, I am as fit as a trout and it is not going to happen in the near future, not on my watch anyway.

Having given it some thought, I am not sure for me that location is of the utmost importance. Conditions will be yucky so I have to expect that. So I have figured out that my mind has to be ready.

I know that’s a bit strange and all spiritual, but for me and my penchant for all things simple, I think if my state of mind is where I want it to be then I will rest in peace.

However given that we are living longer and sometimes our brain doesn’t want to go on for that long, we can have a bit of clash between reality and the strange un-known world of dementia. In other words even our minds may not be part of our plan at the end.
Well I suppose there is every possibility that, even with adequate work-outs, the brain may just decide it’s had enough.

I’m going to counter this by using a system like ‘Google Maps’. When you plug in the location a little pin drops onto the spot you want. You don’t have to be there but you can bring up pictures and information, all the while referencing its location in respect to a town or country or the world.
That’s exactly what I am teaching myself to do now and will continue to do until my time is up.

My life has always been defined from within as being by water looking at mountains and birds while a breeze gently passes. This is a simple picture and, whilst it is a bit hokey, it is exactly what defines my person. It is for this reason that it shall remain my story and I will constantly remind myself to be ready. Be at that space in time. Be at that moment of peaceful definition.

I love all of the things around me. My family my garden. My job and all the things that everyone else shares. But they will not define me and that is up to me to ensure that I re-call ‘me’ often.

So the work has started in controlling my brain an wresting it into places that I want it to be. It won’t be easy but it has a advantage along the way of making me calm and thoughtful. I can see and feel that beautiful calm place already. What is your plan?

Bristlehound 2014

14 thoughts on “The Big ‘D’ – discuss

  1. A sobering thought, These posts will certainly survive us. I worry about leaving behind the mess of my idiosyncratic filing system. Crackpot files is what history is made of. What brought that on? … just writing a review of ‘The Stonehenge Letters.’

    1. Thanks Ashen. I’ve often thought that so,e of our best memories of events are from the ones that go ‘belly up’ and are filled with crazy- unplanned circumstances. We need more things to go off the rails.B.

  2. I’m late to comment. I’m sorry about the passing of your associate. Sudden illness to a high school friend recently got me thinking of the same. I’m so predictable. Anyway, I’d always thought dying in my sleep sounded a nice way to go. Hadn’t considered how it might spook the still-living residents. Also interesting that you note the ‘pin drop’ thing because just yesterday we’d parked in an unfamiliar town and my husband asked me to put down a pin drop in (or whatever the kids are calling it). I had no idea what he was talking about and told him so and minutes later got irritated when I heard him again command “Drop a pin.” Turned out he was talking to Siri, not me. Thank goodness or we’d still be looking for the car. A lovely post, B, and I’ve enjoyed it very much. As always.

    1. Poor Siri, ‘it’ gets a hard time.
      Yes ! The Big D, talk about a bag of laughs there. Some of the best movies were created around D. Weekend at Burnies – classic. B

    1. Plan Mimi? That would be an interesting course, unfortunately(or fortunately) we don’t always know when the big ‘Big D’ will occur. I think, somehow the Big D may never be able to catch up to your pace. Thanks for reading Mimi.B

  3. Fascinating. I took the recent anniversary of my first breath as a cause of pondering exactly this topic, not during celebratory functions or whilst being around anyone else for that matter. Nothing quite that morbid (Invitation to my party, we’ll have cake and drinks and talk about dying, please don’t forget to RSVP, cheers, linda). Rather the classic can’t-sleep-early-morning *get it the hell together brain and finally let me sleep* time. I’d agree with your consideration of location. Why make a mess for someone else, right. Yet, It could also be a business boost for some folks. Like “loook who died here and haunts this place to the day / some say on a specially clear and windy night, you can still see her wandering the hallways and calling out to her long lost pet hamster Sir Reginald Cheesterfield”. Leave an impression as you pass, only got one chance.
    Also, I was thinking about funeral matters, rotting in a wooden box six feet under with worms and other unspeakable things to keep me company? I don’t think so. Cremated and watered to grow a tree or spread across the ocean. Sounds more like it.

    1. The ‘Wormy’ bit doesn’t worry me much. The burning bit, I guess I would have to get used to as it may become my destiny, being a failed catholic.
      Nice to read your ponderings on such a sticky issue. It can be fun even if it is fatal.
      I was always drawn to the Blowfly’s pronouncement in ‘A Bug’s Life’:
      “I’ve only got 24 hrs to live and I ain’t spending it here.”
      Even a Blowy has class when it comes to living.
      Coaching the mind to default at such a point is both fascinating and tricky. It is constantly (the mind) wanting to draw me to the moment, which is completely sensible but I want to be as ready as I can possibly be and as simple in my thoughts as would be a frog by a pond.
      This is a challenge and one that is enjoyable, possibly a verbal realisation of what I have been doing my whole life anyway. Thanks Linda Catherine. B

    2. I think the. company of worms would be refreshing and somewhat up-lifting, which would indeed make life (or death in this) interesting. Imagine all of that nourishment replenishing the earth. There should be more jokes about death.B

      1. Jokes about death – YES, there absolutely should be more of them. it’s the only certainty in life, why not embrace it?
        worms – still a no in my book. Although, I do respect the fact that there are varying opinions on the wormitude matter. Acceptance and tolerance ๐Ÿ™‚

      2. I’ve been thinking about this quite a lot – have I expressed my condolences about your friend’s passing? It’s painful – however we try and ‘prepare’Ourselfs for losses.
        ‘Embrace it’ was a poor choice of words (unless ones title is Count and the family name Dracula one should not use lingo quite that morbid) – accept it and trying to deal with it comes closer to it, I guess ๐Ÿ™‚

      3. I’ve been thinking about this quite a lot – have I expressed my condolences about your friend’s passing? I really am sorry. It’s painful – however we try and ‘prepare’Ourselfs for losses.
        ‘Embrace it’ was a poor choice of words (unless ones title is Count and the family name Dracula one should not use lingo quite that morbid) – accept it and trying to deal with it comes closer to it, I guess ๐Ÿ™‚

      4. Linda Catherine, your comment was taken in the spirit of the post and, as always, was appreciated for the witty and thoughtful style that becomes you. Regardless of this, may I thank you for your further good wishes and I can assure you that Count Dracula, should he be so kind as to blog, would still suck and show far less aptitude toward the sensitive issues of life. Cheers.B

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