Having been quite busy of late this is my first post for some time.
I dare say that, had it not been for the death of an associate recently, I would still be busily forgetting to post.
My associate was about my age and of similar lifestyle. He lived well and enjoyed life with excesses not being his normal way, he was conservative to a tee.
So it was a surprise to see his life end at this time.
What is it that steers us away from talking about the Big D. Or the ‘Passing’ or kicking the bucket. We have so many ways of avoiding the subject and yet it confronts us all.
My family has always had a fatalistic approach to death (that’s weird ) in that our mother who is now 93 has always been ribbed about when she’s going to ‘peg out’ and leave us some inheritance so as to buy the beach hut. She refuses to give in to us and remains fiercely independent, telling us she is not about to die and give all of her money. We are from an Irish background and from what I know of the Irish (very little) they love to laugh in the face of adversity.
Having said all of that and given the recent circumstances, I have begun to think of my own demise (death). I know it is not possible to plan but I have spent some time just playing with the possibilities. Sort of a wish list and hope it doesn’t happen like this list.
For starters I don’t want to die in a pub. I know that’s bad for business and it would be unfair of me to do that to the publican.
On the golf course would be inconvenient, it would effect the game of so many others and you know what golfers are like with their cards and that.
At home sounds good but the clean-up might be disconcerting for the remaining residents.
Drowning might be interesting, I guess because I’d be swimming already and it’s just an extension of that.
I don’t want do go in a yucky way and be all untidy but I guess you’ve just got to take what comes.
So it’s pretty easy to say what I don’t want to die from- or in, the big question is how would I really like to die?
Firstly a disclosure, I am as fit as a trout and it is not going to happen in the near future, not on my watch anyway.
Having given it some thought, I am not sure for me that location is of the utmost importance. Conditions will be yucky so I have to expect that. So I have figured out that my mind has to be ready.
I know that’s a bit strange and all spiritual, but for me and my penchant for all things simple, I think if my state of mind is where I want it to be then I will rest in peace.
However given that we are living longer and sometimes our brain doesn’t want to go on for that long, we can have a bit of clash between reality and the strange un-known world of dementia. In other words even our minds may not be part of our plan at the end.
Well I suppose there is every possibility that, even with adequate work-outs, the brain may just decide it’s had enough.
I’m going to counter this by using a system like ‘Google Maps’. When you plug in the location a little pin drops onto the spot you want. You don’t have to be there but you can bring up pictures and information, all the while referencing its location in respect to a town or country or the world.
That’s exactly what I am teaching myself to do now and will continue to do until my time is up.
My life has always been defined from within as being by water looking at mountains and birds while a breeze gently passes. This is a simple picture and, whilst it is a bit hokey, it is exactly what defines my person. It is for this reason that it shall remain my story and I will constantly remind myself to be ready. Be at that space in time. Be at that moment of peaceful definition.
I love all of the things around me. My family my garden. My job and all the things that everyone else shares. But they will not define me and that is up to me to ensure that I re-call ‘me’ often.
So the work has started in controlling my brain an wresting it into places that I want it to be. It won’t be easy but it has a advantage along the way of making me calm and thoughtful. I can see and feel that beautiful calm place already. What is your plan?